We were introduced to the Hot Dog Safari by the Phantom Gourmet. They said it was a hot dog festival for charity that included all-you-can eat hot dogs, ice cream, and lots more. It turns out it’s a Boston tradition for the last 17 years. We just had to be there.

The Hot Dog Safari takes place every year at Suffolk Downs (the purebread racetrack here in Boston) and all proceeds go to benefit Cystic Fibrosis and the Joey Fund. Let me repeat, we get to eat hot dogs and ice cream all day (for cheap, $10) and we can go home feeling good about the fact that we are helping sick children. Thank god and Eddie Andelman for coming up with the Safari.

Even before we got to the Safari, we knew things would be good when we saw the Boston Baked Bean guy on the train there. You know it’s a party when the foam Boston Baked Bean guy is on point.

We arrived at Suffolk downs and pushed our way through the crowds straight towards the Phantom Gourmet table. I love the Phantom more than I can share in this blog entry without taking the focus away from the Hot Dog Safari.

But suffice to say, it was definitely a trip highlight to meet the Andelman brothers, the creators of the Phantom - not the Phantom himself of course. I even got all three of them to sign my copy of the Phantom’s Guide To Boston’s Best Restaurants for me. I’ve been waiting for it to be released for months. If you live in Boston, you should buy this book immediately! Best of all, Dan Andelman said I was the best dressed person there (must have been the racing cap). Not the biggest compliment in the world considering the crowd, but nice coming from him.

Now it was time to hit up the hot dogs, and we hit them hard. The first dog we tried was the closest to the entrance. Jen warned me not to let myself be enchanted by the first dogs we saw, but I couldn’t resist. The first dogs were very plain, almost cold, and had a lame-ass bun like you’d get at the gas station when you realize you’ve run out of buns and everyone is too drunk to drive to a real store.

I barely finished the lame-ass excuse for a first hot dog and got in line for something that looked a little more unique. If you’re reading this on the West coast you have certain expectations for a hot dog bun which will be completely thrown out the window the first time you see an East Coast dog. In New England, hot dog buns aren’t like rolls, they are like extra thick pieces of bread with a small cut down the center they stuff the dog in. Either kind can be good or bad just like any other kind of bread.

The first dog had the West Coast type of bun, but it was a crappy one. The second one was a New England bun that was extra good- they threw the bun on the grill and toasted up both sides of it before serving up the dog. Nice move. I’m not sure who responsible for that idea since the Massachusetts National Guard was in charge of all the grilling, but somebody should have been recognized for awesome bun preparation in the heat of battle.

Buns in hand, we traveled outside to the track and took in all the other fun, and bizarre, sights there. The racetrack was in full swing and horses were racing by every few minutes, they had live wrestling, a petting zoo, and lots more free stuff.

I know this blog is all about food, but really I have to talk about the wrestling. That is some good old timey entertainment. How on earth people can watch it on TV, I have no idea. But in person, it really has an old time carnival feel about it. Good stuff. My favorite thing about it is all the crazy stuff that little 10 year-old boys scream at the wrestlers. Those little guys are brutal.

The line for the Sausage Guy was like 20 minutes long when we got back inside. The Sausage Guy is sort of a local hero because of his sausage cart at Red Sox games. This was a fantastic opportunity to try out his famous sausages without actually having to sit through a baseball game. I thought it was pretty darn good, especially compared with all the regular hot dogs there, but Jen said it lacked flavor. Go figure.

It was getting on in the afternoon by this point so I knew it wouldn’t be much longer until the hot dog eating contest. We asked around until we were directed to the broadcast area where they were doing a live broadcast of Eddie Andelman’s talk radio show. We ended up having perfect timing and I was able to get a spot right against the fencing in the front so I could video tape it.

Now this wasn’t just any old hot dog eating contest, but an I.F.O.C.E. sanctioned event. In fact, the founder and president of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, Richard Shea, was there to referee the whole event. Sadly, he threw the I.F.O.C.E. beer coozies into the crowd over my head.

The competition was fierce, with two I.F.O.C.E. rated eaters competing. One of them was the clam eating world champion at that! Despite the excitement of seeing professional eaters in action, I didn’t think the I.F.O.C.E. eaters were all that big a deal. In fact, the winner only downed 15 franks in 12 minutes (the world record is 53). It was much more interesting to watch all the amateurs shit talk beforehand and then watch them sick to their stomachs 5 minutes later. As entertaining as it was, there were moments where gluttony was a little much for even me.

The best moment of all, however, happend after the last dog disappeared when the winner, Justin Mih, asked the ‘cheerleader’ posing with him, “Does watching me turn you on?” Priceless.

I could go on and on an regail you with more stories about the Safari (you don’t think we only ate 3 hot dogs did you?), but this entry is starting to get a little long. I’m not sure if I’ll get many other field trips in in the next month, but I’m planning to hit up the Hot Dog Eating World Championships in Coney Island on July 4th. The Hot Dog Safari was just the beginning.

• Festivus Gastronomicus Rating: Crapicus

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 7th, 2006 at 7:38 pm and is filed under Field Trip. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.