Festivus Gastronomicus
Review: Know Fat!
This place absolutely sucked. Want to know how I really feel?
Know Fat!
530 Washington St
Boston, MA 02111
(617) 451-0043
(map)
So Emily, Christina, and I went on a very long walk all around the whole damn city to check out the cows. After hours and hours of walking we needed to refuel. We thought we would try Know Fat! since we were in the neighborhood and all that’s really around Downtown crossing is food carts stuff. Anyway, someone we know goes there semi-often, so how bad could it be?
Pretty frickin’ bad, yo. That’s how bad.
Maybe it’s my fault because I make the assumption that the point of opening a business that serves food is to sell people food that tastes good. I think what’s taking place at Know Fat is that these people are really selling a lifestyle and the food biproduct they hock is crap.
I got a cheeseburger to taste something generic I could compare against other places. They made it sound good by saying it was ground sirloin, all wheat bun, fresh vegetables, etc. Frankly, when they served it I thought it was going to be very tasty.
But as I’m walking back to the table, I realize something: that was NOT enough time to cook a hamburger. There’s no way they could cook a patty and assemble a burger in that amount of time, even if cooked rare. So right there I know they just reheated the food instead of cooking it.
I bite into the thing and the patty is just a big hunk of tasteless grey matter. It’s way overcooked and really chunky because it’s 100% lean beef. This was not a tasty burger at all. It was a decoy.
Dressed in a fine all-wheat bun and topped with some sweet tomatoes, I was deceived into thinking I was getting something worth the $5 I paid for it. No fries by the way, but I actually thought that was fine since fries don’t exactly fit in with the healthy eating name. I was, however, very hungry. So I chowed down anyhow. Stupid decoy burger.
The place is all about nutrition, or so they say. Everything there is processed though; there isn’t a single whole food in the place for sale. Even $tarbucks has salads and fruit and stuff these days. They didn’t have a single thing in there that was fresh. Actually, they sold products which are imposible to define as fresh or not -all those weird ‘health’ food bars and shit would survive a nuclear holocaust.
The only redeeming part of the meal was the smoothie which was actually pretty good, but considering the shady burger I wouldn’t assume that a tasty smoothie was the result of fresh fruits and such. All in all, I probably wouldn’t ever return to this place. If I worked at downtown crossing it might be an alternative to all the fast food down there, but then I’d probably hurl myself off the Pru before I let that happen.
Christina seemed to like the balls though.
July 27th, 2006 at 11:04 am
This was hilarious. Thank you for your reprot. Now, I will now never go to Know Fat! Plus, I like fat….it makes things taste better.
August 25th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
Great Picture of Christina…Thanks
November 23rd, 2006 at 12:08 am
I must admit that I am shocked to hear you describe KnowFat! that way. You sound like a luddite to me. I go there all the time, and I love the burgers and the fries (yum!)
All the rest of you who are looking for something better than the same old crap, you will be pleasantly impressed.
December 1st, 2006 at 3:27 pm
Suzy;
First of all, I don’t sound like a luddite. A luddite is someone opposed to technology. Nowhere in this review do I take a stance against technology. In fact, publishing a review online via this blog is proof positive that I’m not a luddite. Nice try at an insult, but I’d keep working on that one.
Now let’s discuss the apparent shock you experienced reading my commentary. You may not agree that the burger tastes like ass. However, I don’t see how you are shocked that I would find an obviously pre-cooked patty unsatisfying when served by an establishment described by the owners in the Boston Globe as being “more than fast food.”
It’s really just fast food.
Other reviewers have said similar things as well. The Boston Phoenix commented on the dry burgers in September of 2005. Is that shocking?
When reviewed by NECN’s TV Diner, KnowFat received an equally unenthusiastic review. “The low fat chicken chili is fair. It doesn’t look or taste like regular chili.”
I’m glad you like KnowFat!; good for you. There are probably some good menu items there, but no one in my group ordered them. Most likely though, this place is popular because of great marketing.
Check out the website and the newspaper ads and you’ll see crack team of investors making sure people are dazzled by the labeling and forget about the mediocre food. You build a franchise on marketing, not good product. See $tarbucks, McDonalds, Cheesecake Factory, etc.
If you disagree, try a little less insult and a little less hyperbole and maybe we can have a nice discussion here.
December 1st, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Suzy sounds like she owns some Know Fat! stock
June 9th, 2007 at 1:03 am
A health food place trying to serve up fast food is a novel idea, especially if you want to eat well but don’t have time to pack a lunch. Being someone who works/lives near a Know Fat! I have had the time to sort through the menu items to pick out the winners.
Although I agree with you about the burgers taste, I’m not sure I agree with the process: When ordering a burger at Know Fat! I have the advantage of being able to watch them take the raw patty out and actually grill it. This is especially evident at night when they don’t have a designated griller for the lunch crowd. I can even ask for it medium-rare if I want to.
If I were part of this “crack team of investors” you speak of, I would be sure to put my money on the way a food item makes one feel after having eaten it. After eating a Chicken parmesan wrap with Air Fries (which, at Know Fat!, really are healthy eating…) and a water I can resume my work and not FEEL like ass. This is opposed to needing to take a shower and a nap after a McDonalds value meal.
Plus, most healthy food that isn’t spicy wouldn’t be healthy if it actually tasted good. For practical food that satisfies my stomach without all the noise, I like my decoy burgers.
Seriously, rubadub, try the fries. They will be the best single-ingredient-food you’ve ever had.
And no, Will, I don’t have Know Fat! stock. It doesn’t exist.